17 June, 2008

Mothers Day

Tomorrow marks an anniversary for me but I wish it didn't. My mother passed away on the 18th of June, more years ago than I care to remember.

Every year I wait for the day. Every year I shed a few tears, some years more than others. Every year I think about what might have been, what kind of person I would have become growing up with her around. Every year I get angry about being cheated out of a proper relationship with the most important person in my life.

I don't want to feel that way any more. It doesn't help. Instead this year I want to try and look at things differently. My mother loved my father. She loved me. She was loved in return. Every year the memories fade but I'm hanging on to the good ones. I can still hear her laugh. I can still remember her beautiful eyes. I don't look anything like her (more's the pity) but I have her sense of humour and her quick mind. I don't have the terrible disease which eventually took her from me and according to the medical specialist I'm unlikely to develop it now. I get to live the life she couldn't. I get to live longer than she did. I'm healthy and independent.

I had the good fortune to have had the love of a mother. I didn't have it for that long but I had it. That's not something that everyone gets.

So, tomorrow, I'll try and see it differently. I'm not sure I won't cry - in fact I'm pretty sure I will - but I'm going to try to move on. Give thanks for the life she gave me and let go at the anger at the life taken away.


HH said...

SSS my thoughts will be with you tomorrow xox

mscrankypants said...

I don't know what to say except I'm sorry you're hurting and send you a big *hug*.

Foodycat said...

Thinking of you! And thankyou for your post.

Jacki said...

Beautiful and sad post teddie. I will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow.

Foodycat said...

How was your day, Teds?

SSS said...

Thank you all, and thanks to Ambridge fan of Chelmsford as well. x

It was okay, to be honest. I was busy at work but it was on my mind all evening and I spent a lot of time looking at her photograph. She's smiling in the picture and looks absolutely stunning. Sometimes I look at the picture and get angry because that beautiful woman had her life cut short but last night I just saw a lovely picture of my mum.

Thank you all. I debated whether or not to make the post but I thought that on the unlikely off chance that someone else is reading and feels the same I want them to know that they're not alone.

SSS said...

Also in addition she wasn't just my mum. She was my brothers mum, my fathers wife, she was a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. I'm comforted that other people loved her and her passing mattered to them as well.