06 February, 2009

Friday funnies

Just a little peace offering after not posting for ages. I got these in emails yesterday. Don't you just love his little furry face? They're out of synch in the post but you get the idea.
These are sentences allegedly typed by medical secretaries. I've heard a couple before but they're still funny. To me, anyway............

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
20 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
22. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
23. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
24. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
26. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
27. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel andcrashed.
28. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
39. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in earlyDecember.
30. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen andI agree.
31. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock brokerinstead.
32. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


HH said...

Lol! That is so cute! Poor darling.
Those are pretty funny, but as a medical typist I will put a word in for unintelligable dictation, the rest I will take, though I am not guilty myself, I have seen some funny/stupid things.

Foodycat said...

Very funny! Poor little koala.

KAZ said...

'Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid'.
Now if that doesn't bring tears to your eyes nothing will.
Those really made me laugh - I'm going to read them again.

NiC said...

Absolutely wonderful...not just LOL but tears running down my face.

Thank you.

SSS said...

Thanks, everyone. Yes, there are some crackers there. I think my favourite is 'circus sized'!!