Normal service has been resumed

Back at work for three days and the urge to kill is at an all time peak. Oh yes. I'm back.

Monday wasn't too bad, almost pleasant. Tuesday started with a row of epic proportions with the departments biggest fuckwit. I ended up raising my voice to another human being at 2 minutes to 8 due to being subjected to a barrage of fuckwittage - details if I can be arsed later - which was compounded 2 minutes after that when I entered my department to be confronted by two people looking for something which should have been done during my holiday.

*Brief explanation needed - a new theatre was opened which had a drug safe installed. The safe has a key. Each theatre has two keys, one for the drug safe and one for a central cupboard which contains another drug. No one had obtained a key for the central cupboard in the last two weeks.*

I felt justified in blowing up at this point - what was it, two minutes past eight - at being asked about the whereabouts of a key that some fucker could have organised two weeks ago. Needless to say I put the key onto the key chain myself this very afternoon.

Tuesday just got worse, v busy and lots of people going on about another thing that should have been done during my holiday in December, if you don't mind. It's been dealt with today.

I was late for work this morning due to my own slackness but I was even later than I should have been as the next bus was late and came with a companion bus. To top off my distress I had to wait 35 - count them - 35 minutes before I could even get on a bus to get home. I walked in, turned the TV on to watch The Biggest Loser and promptly rang out for a pizza.

Still, on a positive note, tomorrow is Thursday. Nearly Friday. I can't wait.

Out of the darkness

It's been a difficult week here for Australians.

I'm sure you've all seen the news about the recent bushfires and the horrific loss of 181 lives. Thousands of people are homeless. Communities are broken. And yet in all of this darkness and misery there are rays of light.

$53 million dollars has been raised since Sunday to go towards helping those who suffered get back on their feet. Children have given their pocket money. Banks have chipped in, concerts have given their nights takings, sporting events have handed over their takings and team fees. Most supermarkets have collection boxes at the till and people are stuffing them with notes and small change. We've all forgotten about the economic crisis and we've focused on what matters. Each other.

And finally, more koalas. Sam nearly died but she was one of the lucky ones. She's safe and she's even found herself a boyfriend. The video shows her initial rescue. I defy you to watch the clip and not smile.


If you haven't already given, please do so if you can.

Red Cross

Bendigo Bank

Wildlife Victoria

Victorian Dog Rescue

Thanks to ms crankypants for the animal links.

Sick.

Bloody typical. Here I am off on holiday and I find myself struck down with the lurgy.

It started innocently enough. A bit of a runny nose on Wednesday, sore throat on Thursday, swollen glands and continued sore throat on Friday, runny nose, sore throat and headache on Saturday, cough and general malaise on Saturday night to DETH by snot accompanied by a dry, sore persistent cough on Sunday morning.

I made an emergency 'cereal, milk and Sunday papers' call to a friend in the morning. She arrived within the hour and had thoughtfully included a packet of chocolate biscuits to the order which she thrust towards me at arms length. "You look terrible," she muttered as she ran towards her car.

I spent the morning alternating between shivering and sweating, blowing my nose and moaning softly with self pity. Later in the day I called a doctor friend and threw myself on her mercy. "You sound terrible," she said. "My daughter is upstairs in bed with the same thing. She's like death." She came with antibiotics* and delivered them with the same arms length approach. "It'll be about a week!" she called cheerily over her shoulder as I wobbled back towards the settee.

I think I've given off enough heat in the last 24 hours to power a small village. I've had litres of water from my little Tupperware drinking bottle. I've had more Paracetamol than I should have and the pain in my ears is driving me insane. I'm staying away from members of the public due to a) my infectious status b) my general patheticness and c) I'm breathing through my mouth and it makes me look stoopid.

I don't mind being sick. That's not to say that I like it but I recognise that illness is par for the course. What I do mind is being sick when I'm off on annual leave and particularly because my cousin and her husband are here from the UK and I'm stuck here filling up tissues and coughing like a consumptive.

I wasn't sick much when I was a kid but I have fond memories of being looked after. Clean sheets, boiled lemonade, jelly and evaporated milk and a cool hand on my brow. Fast forward 30 years and I'm putting my own sheets in the washing machine and have no one to boil my lemonade or make my favourite food. Bummer.

Oh well. I've got some chocolate biscuits and four Doctor Who box sets. I'm going to bed in clean sheets and I've got those nice tissues with aloe vera and eucalyptus in them. Things could be a lot worse. And I've taken the liberty of using this bout of lurgy to post gratuitous pictures of my favourite doctors. I'm sure they will assist with my recovery. I can dream, can't I?

*yes, I know, I shouldn't really be taking antibiotics but I want to get well as soon as possible and I haven't taken them for absolutely years. There. I've rationalised it all quite nicely.

Friday funnies

Just a little peace offering after not posting for ages. I got these in emails yesterday. Don't you just love his little furry face? They're out of synch in the post but you get the idea.

These are sentences allegedly typed by medical secretaries. I've heard a couple before but they're still funny. To me, anyway............

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

20 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

22. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

23. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

24. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

26. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

27. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel andcrashed.

28. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

39. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in earlyDecember.

30. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen andI agree.

31. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock brokerinstead.

32. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Happy Holidays - again

Sorry, folks. I've been a bit slack with updates. What can I say? It's summer, it's hot, I'm not snowed in.........

Alright. That was a bit mean. So, what have I been up to? Not a lot. My return to work was a rude awakening, the first shift turned unexpectedly from 8 hours into 12 long hours of working non stop and resulted in very tired and aching legs . The following day two people were off sick, requiring some reprioritising and juggling. The third day was a blur and the fourth day found half the nursing staff in the pub at days end, myself being the first one in there. Which was nice.

I'm on holiday again now as one of my cousins is visiting the fair city of Sydney along with her husband. It's an excellent excuse to take more time off work to make myself 'available' for sightseeing and ad hoc tour guide duties. The weather has been perfect and they're enjoying themselves immensely. The three of us are off on a wine tasting trip tomorrow to the Hunter Valley with lunch being held at one of my favourite breweries. They do the best - and the only - alcoholic ginger beer I've ever tasted.

There was something I was going to go on about today but I wouldn't have a clue what it was. That's the thing about summertime. It turns me into a complete sloth. My moments of rage fade rapidly because I'm too hot to stay annoyed. A great loss to the blog, I feel but it's wonderful for my blood pressure.

I'll try and get annoyed by something soon, I promise.