Idiots of the world, you are on notice. When I am in charge I am going to get a gun and shoot you all in the arse. Once I have shot you in the arse I am going to shoot you in the foot and give you a couple of Paracetamol and that's all.
Todays idiot is 'Bob' from the physio department at my hospital. Readers (all five of you) will remember that SSS is in Week 5 of Shouldergate. My buggered and weedy right shoulder is recovering from a dislocation and as I have weedy muscles (otherwise known as subluxation or something like that) I have to do exercises to stop it from happening again.
When I told two of my friends I was going to the physio they both laughed and said I would come home with a resistance band and not much else. With the phrase 'resistance is futile' ringing in my ears I rang for an appointment. 'Bob' answered the 'phone to me. I explained the situation, gave the name of the physio my doctor had recommended and asked for an appointment with him. I also explained that I worked in the hospital and was unable to return to my normal duties until I had seen the physio. 'Bob' gave me an appointment and I asked if he could ring me if anyone cancelled, allowing me to be seen sooner. He assured me he would do so.
Fast forward to the appointment time, I duly present only to be told by the receptionist that I had been expected half an hour beforehand. I expressed surprise and said that I had in fact only been 6 floors below and asked why they hadn't called. They didn't have my 'phone number. Well then, how the fuck would 'Bob' have been able to call me with a cancellation. GRRRRRRRR. I get a new appointment with 'Tom' for 5 days time.
Today I turn up for my appointment with 'Tom', only I don't get 'Tom', I get.......'Bob'. I was sorely tempted to discuss the matter with him but I decide against it. 'Bob' gets me to move my shoulder and is pleased with the range of movement. Me too, 'Bob', now on with the exercises. True to form, he produces a resistance band and takes me through a series of exercises. This is all great, but I tell him that I don't have the sort of door handles that the band will stay on. He looks at me blankly and seems confident that I'll improvise. I tell him again that I'm not sure but he has no helpful suggestions. He shows me one exercise that I can do against the wall. Bravo.
I ask him to give me a sheet with the exercises on, he disappears to find one. He can't. He wants me to make an appointment with 'Tom' for 2 weeks time. It's time to go to work, I'm less than impressed to say the least.
So, I get home and quelle surprise, the bands slip straight off the door handle, even when I wrap it round a couple of times. I'm more likely to fucking well hurt my shoulder if I persist so I throw it on the floor and look for something to break. One failed appointment, 28 minutes and $65.00 later and I've got a useless glow in the dark jumbo elastic band and a temper worthy of Boudicca.
Well, 'Bob', I'll be fucked if I'm ever coming back to your useless department ever again. You are an idiot, you don't listen to your patients and you can't lay your hands on written information when people ask for it. $65.00 may not be a lot of money but if I pay you for a service I expect to get one. I expect to be given alternative exercises when I tell you that I have doubts about your big rubber band. I've got them off the internet now, thanks very much, and it was free. I'll be telling the surgeon that you're an idiot and he's rather fond of me so he'll believe me.
You, 'Bob', are todays idiot. Congratulations.
It would seem that The Borg were right. Resistance is futile.
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