That's right, readers. The crankypants are high and tight today. I'm going to have trouble narrowing it down to just a couple of points but I'll try.
Firstly, teenage girls. Their conversation makes my brain hurt. Young people - extend your vocabulary NOW. Here's a challenge. Try having a conversation - no, make that construct a sentence - without using the words like, whatever, soooo and OH MY GOD. Please. Public transport is unbearable enough in Toytown without having to listen to your vapid ramblings.
Secondly, daughters of Germaine. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Where the fuck are you?
Conversation in the tearoom today was stroke inducing. I walked into a conversation about the wardrobe choices of Kevin 07's wife, Therese Rein. Now, I like Therese. I like that she's kept her name, unlike Mrs Bill Clinton and Mrs Anthony Blair. I like that she's an independent businesswoman. I don't give a shit about her clothes, just so long as she doesn't appear at State events in ripped, dirty rags or a velour tracksuit. I stayed close to the microwave and waited for my chili con carne (yum yum) to reach optimum temperature when the chat moved to our new Governor General. Are you sitting down? She's a woman. Yes, in the 21st century, here in Australia we are on a roll. We have a female Head of State.......oh wait.....that's the Queen.....okay, so we have a female representative for the Head of State AND we have a female Deputy Prime Minister, also mentioned in conjunction with Therese and her crazy dress sense. Burn those bras, ladies, we've arrived. Well, not quite. Julia Gillard, our DP, has bad hair. Oh yes. And she's childless. Well, fuck me, what were we thinking, electing this woman? Australians may remember the infamous fruit bowl incident, but for those who aren't in the know, Ms Gillard was interviewed in 2005 and a photographer took some shots of her kitchen. Imagine the horror felt by the Australian public when an empty fruitbowl was spotted. What kind of woman is this? She has bad hair, an ocker accent AND no fruit in her bowl. Childless, sans style and presumably suffering from scurvy, it's a wonder she got to where she is today.
The GG, Quentin Bryce, was described by the tearoom focus group as 'nice'. Quentin Bryce is a former Governor of Queensland. A lawyer, she taught for many years at the University of Queensland. She was the state Director of the Human Rights and Equal Opportunities Commission. She's been the Federal Sex Discrimination Commissioner......oh, look, Google her. She's even got a medal for services to womens cricket. But she's 'nice'.
Did anyone see that tie on Kevin Rudd yesterday? It like, soooo didn't go with his eyes. Whatever.